Love through Imagination
by silvereiko
Summary: Alice is slowly putting the pieces of her life back together. Problem is, some of those pieces refuse to go their merry way. One piece in particular can't let her go.


A small string ensemble played softly in the corner of the great hall. People dressed in their best finery whirled and stepped in the easy grace of a waltz, and champagne glasses clicked with the sound of crystal bells. Their soft murmurings and polite laughter drifted through the marble and gold-finished room like leaves dancing in the wind.

All in all, Alice found it revolting.

Her ball gown was much too tight, the room was unbearably stuffy even on the balcony, and it seemed to her that the people here did not believe so much in bathing as in strong perfume to mask their odor. Why ever had she consigned herself to this?

_Because you don't have a choice, old girl._ She thought. Talking to herself had been one thing that she had never broken herself of. It was comforting, and besides, the mere thought of chattering away with these ninnies was enough to turn her empty stomach.

"Alice? Oh there you are." The Countess Verlise said. The Countess was the much younger sister of Alice's mother. She was a thin woman, resembling her niece in coloring with her dark red hair, green eyes, and pale skin. The similarities ended there, however, as she was a light and cheerful woman of about twenty-nine. Her husband was the Count of a rather prosperous region, and very much in the King's favor. He and his wife had met eleven years ago, and after a long but secret courtship, Alexander persuaded his father that he would marry no other, even though the woman who had stolen his heart was a commoner. With much grace (mainly because he didn't have a choice), the father had given his blessing and raised Lily's status to Countess. They had no children as of yet, but they were still hopeful.

"I am here. Do you need help with anything?" As always, Alice's mood lightened whenever her Aunt was near. She was more of a friend or big sister than a guardian. They were only about ten years apart, and the servants cringed whenever they saw the two women together. It usually meant that something was about to turn upside down most suddenly.

"Absolutely horrid, isn't it?" she murmured to her niece. A mischievous smile tugged at the corners of her full mouth.

Alice did her best to hide her smile and quell the giggle, but didn't quite succeed.

The Countess giggled with her. "Much better, my dear. You've been quiet and withdrawn for hours now. Even in the face of Lord Charles' polite but idiotic banter. He's quite smitten with you, you know."

"Ugh. The noise is bothering my head. Speaking of Lord Charles, do you know what he had the gall to tell me? That despite my "reputation", I was a charming individual, and if I chose, he wished to know more of my "experiences" over a quiet dinner." Alice growled, her emerald eyes flashing dangerously.

"Heeheehee. Oh isn't that precious. No wonder you're fuming." Lily chuckled. Then she grew serious. "You know that we have to go "play nice" as Alex calls it. If anyone makes any more comments like that, don't hesitate to tell me. Their importing taxes will have an unexpected raise." She put her hand on Alice's stick-thin arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Alice smiled shyly back, and they made their way down the stairs to the crowded floor. The people blended together, and ingrained protocol kept her the perfect smiling hostess while snippets of conversation swirled around her without any meaning at all.

"Whatever can you mean? I must say, that play was the worst I had ever seen."

"Have you heard about our Majesty's plan for the revenue?"

"His horse, you say? Poor beast."

"The asylum is closed? When did that happen?"

Alice whipped around so fast that her pale blue gown whooshed around her. A young, very lean man with a hawkish face was talking to a much shorter and older merchant. The merchant wore a smart red waistcoat with a white silk shirt underneath. He seemed a very nervous sort of man, for when Alice turned about so suddenly, he let out what could only be described as a squeak. Flustered, he smoothed his white moustache and bowed deeply.

"F-Forgive me, Lady Liddel. I was merely surprised by your sudden interest." He stammered nervously.

"Not at all, my dear gentleman. I apologize for my rudeness, but I overheard the most interesting thing. Which asylum was closed?" She asked as calmly as she could.

"Oh, that dreadful place, Rutledge." Said his tall companion in a rather nasal voice. "Horrid place it was, too. If one believes the stories."

Alice's vision shrank to a small dot as her throat tightened around a scream. She wondered if she would faint on the spot or if she could make it to her room.

Rutledge.

The place that had robbed her of her soul. They said that she had been mad, that there was no way that she could be made accountable, but she knew better. They thought it was only the violent outbursts to the orderlies that she troubled over. They never knew what she had done in Wonderland. Images of syringes, knives, and blood flooded through her. She could taste the aftereffects of the drugs they used on her to "help her sleep". She felt the sharpened spoon sliding along her wrists, and she again heard her own mad screams.

"Lady? Are you alright?" asked the tall man. He put his arm out to steady her. As his hand touched her arm, it morphed in front of her eyes. It became gloved and twisted, with tea stains on the white cotton. She looked into his face and saw that it too had changed. His brown eyes were lit with an insane smile and a top hat rested on his head.

"H-H…….Hatter…." she stammered in shock.

The tall man gripped her arm tighter and frowned in concern, suddenly just a normal man again. `"Lady Liddel, I truly think that the stuffy air has had an ill effect on you. I urge you to at least sit down."

With a monumental effort, Alice shoved the images away. They were still there, but at a level that she could accommodate. She smiled shakily at the man and forced her tight throat to work.

"I am quite alright, my good sir. No need to worry." She murmured breathlessly.

"No, I must insist. Look, you're trembling and you have no color to speak of. Please allow me to escort you to a quieter place."

"Geoffrey? What's wrong?" asked a deep male voice behind her.

Alice turned as much as she could while the man called Geoffrey still held her arm. The new- comer behind her was tall, but not as tall as the other. She craned her neck to look at him, absently noticing the fine cut and materials of his formal wear. He was tan and well-built with finely chiseled facial features that would make most women swoon. His eyes were a startling shade of green and his short hair was tawny blond. He took one look at her features and a tiny frown of concern twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"We were just speaking when she turned quite pale. I think that perhaps it is all the stuffy air in here." Said Geoffrey anxiously. "What do you think we should do, Nathaniel? She insists that she is fine, but she has no color."

"Indeed." Remarked the nervous merchant. He pulled out a watch and began to fiddle with it in a way that struck Alice as very familiar, but she refused to trust any memories at this moment.

"I see. Well Lady Liddel, as a personal friend of your Uncle's, I think that I should take you to some place where you can rest." Said Nathaniel. He gave a slight bow and offered his arm to her.

Geoffrey let her arm go with a small bow of his own and looked to his companion. "I think that the lady should be fine with Baron Chester. Let's get you to your other engagement, Richard." Geoffrey offered Alice another bow and nodded to Nathaniel before he left.

Alice could hardly breathe. "Cheshire? Your last name is Cheshire?"

Nathaniel laughed softly in an oddly sarcastic manner. "No, my lady. Chester, Nathaniel Chester at your service." He bowed deeply and gave her a full smile that was somehow predatory. "The tall fellow was Viscount Geoffrey Hattise, and his short companion was Viscount Richard White. Privately though, we tend to call him "bunny" because of his weight and his anxiety problem." Nathaniel chuckled at his own joke, but stopped when he saw Alice's expression.

It was one of sheer terror.

She knew he had seen it, but she couldn't control herself. Her mind was chanting to itself in the sing-song voice of her childhood. "Cheshire Cat, Mad Hatter, White Rabbit! How I love you all! Tea time, playtime, riddles, and song! Lalala….".

"Nnnooo…." Alice moaned pitifully. She saw Nathaniel from far away reach for her, her name on his lips, and then she saw nothing but horror.

Blood. So much blood. A knife flashed through the air. Her laughter rang in her ears. A hideously deformed cat rubbed against her legs and spoke to her about the toys that she carried. An old friend was twisted beyond her ability to help. A fire-breathing monster taunted her about her weaknesses. "Your fault, you stupid girl. They burned for you."

* * *

Nathaniel didn't know what to do. He heard her moan and saw her eyes roll into the back of her head. He lunged for her and caught her before she could hit the marble floor. As he cradled her against his chest, he was struck at how light she was. Perhaps she was ill because she hadn't eaten anything in a week.

"Lady? Alice? Can you hear me?" He looked frantically around and saw a few people gathering to see what the fuss was about. "Someone fetch the Count! His niece is ill!" He picked her up and took her to the stairwell. He wanted to take her out of the crowded hall. As he started up the stairs, he heard his name being called behind him. It was Count Alexander and his wife, Lily.

"Nathan! What happened?" demanded the Count.

"I have no idea, your grace. She was speaking to some friends of mine and grew pale. I was worried, so I told her that it would be best to take her someplace quiet. She fainted as I was giving introductions. Has she been unwell lately?"

"The noise was bothering her, but I thought it was merely a headache." Lily said as she pressed her hand to Alice's forehead. "Good lord! Alex, she is burning up! We need to get her to bed."

"Indeed. Let's go, Nathan."

* * *

"They died because of you, you stupid, day dreaming girl!" Cheshire? Where are you? Can you hear me? Hatter? I don't know that answer. Why is a raven like a writing desk? Rabbit? Why are you always late? Why must you smoke so much, Caterpillar? Mommy, Daddy, I'm sorry.

"Alice?" Alice opened her eyes slowly. She was in bed beneath a mountain of blankets and quilts. The blurry shape above her resolved itself into her Aunt Lily. Lily smiled in relief and gave her a hug through the blankets that could crush a bear.

"Aunt Lily….You're hurting my ribs…" squeaked Alice.

"Oops. Sorry." She let go and sat on the edge of the bed rubbing her hands together anxiously. "Sweetie, do you know what happened?"

"I remember feeling very weak and dizzy. Then I remember falling, I think." Alice said carefully. They couldn't know what had really happened. They would think that she was having a relapse. She couldn't- no, she wouldn't put the people she loved through such an ordeal.

"You fainted. Are you alright? Was there anything that caused it? Did you eat today? Was it the heat? The gown?" Now her aunt was just babbling, glad to see that she was awake and alert.

"Actually," she pounced on the nearest excuse. "I haven't eaten. I am a little hungry now that you mention it. Do you think the kitchen has some fruit I could get?"

"Nonsense. You aren't getting anything. Stay here while I get you a meal. Honestly, do I have to make sure that you remember to eat now?" fussed Lily.

Alice looked at the blue quilt in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Just get some rest. You worried us." She gave her niece an affectionate kiss on the forehead and swept out the door.

Alice leaned back into the pillows with a sigh and closed her eyes. How could she have lost control like that? She hadn't had an episode since she was declared sane. Why had she thought that they were here, in her world? Her Wonderland friends were gone. They were never coming back. She remembered the pain of losing her restored friends. Especially Cheshire. He had taken her to the bowels of Wonderland and helped her destroy the Red Queen. He helped her kill her insanity and rebuild her reason. He was her friend, her confidant. He had been her rock in a sea of uncertainty. The Hatter had been there too, and so had the White Rabbit, but they had not been her solace as Cheshire had. She had wished countless times that he was real, that he could exist outside her mind. She thought back to a dream conversation she had with him shortly before she was released.


End file.
